Un Chien Andalou (An Andalusian Dog) (1929) SKIP

Kim Wilson: 16 Minutes Of Your Life That Will  Never Come Back

Introduction: For all of your art fans out there, let me be perfectly clear on two counts. First, I am not a hater of avant-garde films In fact, I really love watching avant-garde films since they smuggle in abstract/controversial ideas while showing off abstract images. I would be the first to defend Zero De Conduite (1933) and the works of Jean Painleve if they are being attacked. The reason to my defense is that they have their own wonderful sense of imagery and narrative storytelling that are vital to great filmmaking. One of the main purposes of the movies is to create worlds that the viewers' imagination can journey to and enjoy that experience.
     Second, I don't hate or even dislike the creators of Un Chien Andalou (1929). In fact, I personally admire Salvador Dali and Luis Brunel for their creative geniuses. Their work is just so crazy that it ultimately reveals that a key ingredient of their souls is the power to imagine wondrous and cynical events happening in our surrealist dreamscapes.
     That's what Un Chien Andalou sadly forgot as it wants to be a shocking artsy exploration in the study of dreams that it comes off as pretentious/awful to the poor viewer's mind. Plus, it's highly unwatchable for both children and adults to watch due to its childish/foolish approach of throwing random crap on the screen with the sake of being scandalous.

     
 The Plot?: What plot is in this film? The images have nothing in common as they are too random and illogical to make sense to anyone except for art critics and psychologists. Even then, they will be saying swear words under their breath as there are no identifiable themes in Un Chien Andalou for those communities to find out and comment on. Why? The film simply doesn't care to put in themes, emotions, ideas or any established elements crucial for a good story to work. For the filmmakers, I applaud them for messing around with film conventions as they originally wanted to make a film about dreams as well as shock people. However, those people to shock with probably meant Brunel and Dali themselves as the images are too shocking and too disquieting for anyone's tastes.
         
Is it okay for kids: Since I already have pissed off hundreds of college art students with my roast on Un Chien Andalou, I will have the "pleasure" of stoking up the coals even more by advising parents not to even mention this atrocity to their kids at all as it has strong uses of both sexuality/nudity and graphic violence. There is a man who forcibly fondles a woman's breasts as he is a pervert. That same woman has her breasts as well as her buttocks shown in full glory for a few brief seconds. Another woman gets killed by a speeding car after she poked at a severed hand. A man has a hole in his hand with ants crawling around it. Speaking of insects, two dead donkeys are shown with maggots all over their eyes. Priests are seen being abused as a man pulls them and several miscellaneous objects across the floor. That same man is trying to sexually molest a woman trapped in her apartment.
        Perhaps the most disturbing scene in the movie occurs at the beginning. An unidentified man sharpens his razor and then proceeds to silt open a woman's eye. This act causes liquid to spill all over her skin. Even though the filmmakers used a dead calf's eye for that shot, it still looks unnerving realistic. In fact, I'm not surprised that people fell into clinical shock from that one useful scene.

Ironically, this made more sense as a painting. 

 

My Thoughts:   This film is what a mentally deranged person would make if they had no rules to follow by. Un Chien Andalou refuses to follow simple film grammar and it refuses to highlight their creators' intent in favor of making the viewer feel dirty and mentally unwell. I wasn't surprised when I found out that the main stars of the film committed suicide shortly after it was released nor was I disappointed when Luis Brunel had to arm himself with stones just in case the audience wanted to kill him for making the darn thing. This film can and will and has been known to drive anyone illegally crazy with its disrespect for their minds and intelligence. Un Chien Andalou might be one of the worst films I've ever seen in my entire life.
 
 

Shame on you, Mr. Dali! 

Titanic Films 101

                 This year is the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic disaster, which forever changed maritime law. It also served as a metaphor of our overconfidence in technology, which we sadly still do to this very day. (Note: Our trust in phones and computers.)  In honor of that great ship and in memory of the 1500 lives whom died on that fateful night, Hollywood has been making a lot of movies about this historic event, but not all of them are masterpieces like Titanic (1997) and A Night To Remember (1958). Let's take a look at the best and worst Titanic films of all time.

           The Film That I Wished Was Still Around With Us:  Saved From The Atlantic (1912)
        A few weeks after the Titanic sank, one of the actual survivors, Dorothy Gibson, starred in a fictionalized film about the Titanic. I would have loved to see this film because it would have reflected society's look on the Titanic, and plus it has an actual survivor in it! Sadly, its studio, Eclair, had a huge fire that engulfed the only known prints, and this was Dorothy Gibson's last film. What a shame.

Major Failure: An Octopus In A Titanic Movie

Another Major Failure: A Rapping Dog In A Titanic Movie

       The Film I Wished Was Not Still Around With Us: The Legend Of Titanic (1999)
      This was the first animated Titanic movie ever, and sadly, that's one of two reasons why we still remember it. The other reason is that it's historically inaccurate, bland animation, a strained political message,stolen cliches, stupidity, and it has an octopus saving the Titanic. I'm not kidding. If you are still interested in why it's so bad, just go see The Nostalgia Critic's video review of it, which sums up all of my hatred of it.
         The Best Documentary on Titanic:  Secrets Of Titanic (1987) and Titanica (1995)
        Even though there are a ton of Titanic documentaries, none of those can even top these two. I like how they showed actual pieces of the ship, and the narration of the latter helps the viewer on a guide of the ship. In fact, both of these also show the human side of the actual expeditions themselves. What a wonderful way to see history in the making.
          The Best T.V. Show About Titanic:  Titanic: The Complete Story (1994)
        This is what got me into my love for Titanic. The survivor's accounts and the glorious images all helped me fuel my knowledge of the vent. And what also helped was that the last special was on the movies and pop culture phenomenon that Titanic has produced. It allowed me to know that those movies existed and that I should go see them. Thank you, History Channel. Now stop messing up your programming with Decoded and America:The Story Of Us and put something fun and nonjudgmental in there.
        The Worst T.V. Show About Titanic: Titanic (1996)
        Why Hollywood! You have ruined great actors like George C.Scott (Patton), Eva Marie Saint (North by Northwest), Tim Curry (Clue), and Pete Gallagher (Short Cuts) when you starred them in a 1996 mini-series that was rushed into production before James Cameron could release his film. The result is a lackluster production with "embarrassingly bad acting" and "out of place scenes". Okay, those words came out of a review from the Seattle-Post Intelligencer   . But they do describe this terrible movie, and there are so many historical inaccuracies that any Titanic fan wouldn't be caught dead watching it!
        The Worst Titanic Movie Ever:  Titanic: The Legend Goes On (2000)
       This is the worst animated film of all time! It's been ranked #1 on the IMDB's Bottom 100, and the Nostalgia Critic did a whole rampage of it on his channel. Here's my review of it in four sentences: This movie is so stupid, ugly, and shameful that I want it destroyed! It had terrible animation that could make Walt Disney puke, borrowed every major Disney storyline/character that could make him puke again, basic stupidity, silly dialogue, shame to Titanic freaks with its historical flaws, and this list could go on and on forever! But the worst part about it is that it has a rapping dog in it! Oh my goodness!
      Honorable Mentions:  Atlantic (1929), History Is Made at Night (1939), and Titanic (1953) are all heavily fictionalized Hollywood versions of the Titanic saga with the latter one winning an Oscar for its soapy script. (Though Barbara Stanwyck was good in it.) Titanic (1943) is notable because it was a German propaganda film that portrayed the British as total jerks, while the Germans as angels. (How ironic.) Tragically, there have been controversy over this as its director got mysteriously killed, and this film was banned in Germany until several decades later. Raise The Titanic (1980) was based on Clive Cussler's book of the same name. Why is it so notable? Well, it bombed really badly. So badly that its producers, Lew Grade, "sank into disaster", and Clive Cussler demanded that no other book of his would be made into another film. The Unsinkable Molly Brown (1964) is a musical chronicling Molly Brown's life, including her brief appearance on Titanic. Time Bandits (1981) and Ghostbuster II (1989) all had brief glimpses of the ship. Too brief for my tastes.  In Naucht und Eis (In Night And Ice) was a silent Titanic drama that was released a few weeks after the actual tragedy. It was thought to be lost until a collector discovered it in 1998.
       The Best Titanic Movies Of All Time: Titanic (1997) and A Night To Remember (1958)
    Okay. I know that I'm cheating by picking two films for the number one spot, but I couldn't do it with those two immortal classics. Both of them showed us characters whom we cared about deeply, artistic ability, wonderful journeys, historically accuracy, and the ship sinking scenes are just awesome. Superb acting and directing also happened in these movies, and you must see these two on DVD, (or theater) right now.
   I think the real reason why we cherish Titanic so much is that we can identify with the lost souls and their ocean liner of dreams that symbolized life with a happy ending. After all, life should have a happy ending for dreams can only prosper in happy endings. Though it sank into tragedy, its dreams will go in our minds as a twisted tragic "happy ending." This post is made in honor of that great ship ,all of her passengers and all of their dreams that will be always remembered.